Mother is thankful son is in prison and not a cemetery

Editor's Note: This ongoing series takes an in-depth look at the heroin epidemic destroying lives in our area. From the story of the addict who could no longer get prescription opioids on the street, the health care professionals who are understaffed and under trained, the child protective services who are battling to provide safe homes for displaced children and the families who have lost loved ones to incarceration or death - these are the voices and stories of Appalachians impacted by heroin.

ZANESVILLE - When Kristin Sanders gazed through the nursery window at her first born, she never imagined 25 years later the window that separated her from her son would also separate him from his freedom.

Skylar was your typical all-American boy, Kristin said as she stares at a photo of a small boy with hands clasp in prayer before a church pulpit.

"He was good and kind, very courteous," Kristin said. "His teachers always commented on what a great kid he was. As a matter of fact, I have had some of his teachers come up to me and tell me they cried when they read about his arrest in the paper."

Skylar was one of five people charged with robbery and theft of drugs after a shooting incident on Sharon Avenue on Oct. 30, 2013. He plead guilty to aggravated robbery with a firearm specification and is now two years into his seven-year sentence in Noble County.

Still visibly pained by the events that led her son from a cheerful young man who always respected his mother to darkness and distance, Kristin struggles to put all of the events together. "As the words come out, I still can't believe it's real," she said, tears streaming down her face.

Kristin was in Cambridge when she got the call that her son had been arrested.

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"I talked to him while he was in the back of the police cruiser," Kristin said. "I knew things had gotten bad, but I just never imagined it would ever go this far."

Kristin believes Skylar became involved in trafficking painkillers to make money. Anger still shows on her face as Kristin talks about the woman she blames for destroying her son's life.

"A family member's friend was pushing prescription meds and used these young kids to traffic them for her," Kristin said. "Skylar was young and easily influenced and the money was good."

According to Kristin, Skylar would go to Florida where he would get an MRI and then be prescribed painkillers which he would transport back to Ohio to be sold.

"I knew he smoked pot, I didn't like it and he knew I didn't like but I didn't know he had become addicted to pain medication," she said.

Like many families, Kristin said one of her first indicators was missing medication.

"I had never ran out of a painkiller prescription in my life. I generally would take them for two or three days and then the rest of the prescription would just sit in the medicine cabinet," Kristin said. "I needed a pain pill one day and I went to the medicine cabinet and they were all gone."

For a long time she was in denial about her son's addiction.

"For two years he was a functioning addict," Kristin said. "He worked, he was still a great person who would give you the shirt off his back. Then I started noticing his attitude change."

Without a job and no permanent place to live, Skylar eventually moved back home. It was then reality hit.

"Skylar's life had always been about hunting and fishing, he didn't do those things anymore," Kristin said. "The worst realization was when he began selling everything he owned, including his treasured guns - some of which had been passed through family. Then he began stealing from me - his own mother."

Photographs of her children and grandchildren adorn the walls of her living room, accompanied by framed spiritual messages of love and hope. As she looks around, her eyes fix on a photograph of Skylar during one of her visits to jail.

"He looks much better than he did when he was arrested," she says, pointing to the small photograph. "It's hard, you know? It's just so damn hard. I don't understand. I know I can't blame myself anymore but it's so hard not to sometimes. There are days when I just really don't know if I am going to make it. Sometimes I feel like I am just going to go insane."

At his lowest point, Kristin said she walked into her living room and saw Skylar sitting in a wingback chair.

"I thought he was dead," she said. "I eventually got him awake and afterwards I told him I couldn't watch him do this to himself. Mothers are suppose to fix things, we are suppose to put a bandaid on the booboos and make everything better. I couldn't do that and it was heartbreaking."

When the prescription opioids were no longer available, Skyler's life went from bad to worse.

"I guess because it wasn't so easy to get the painkillers anymore, he started using heroin," Kristin said. "I didn't know he used that until all of this other stuff happened. I guess my other kids knew, but I didn't."

Once the heroin came into the picture, there was no reasoning with her once level-headed son.

"I just couldn't talk to him," Kristin said. "I couldn't get through to him."

Kristin said she went to law enforcement and to family members trying to get the dealers shut down and help for Skyler.

"Nothing I did was helping," she said. "By this time, I was literally sick. I didn't sleep, I couldn't function myself. I was a basket case. I was angry, I was hurt, I felt helpless."

Kristin said she gave him money trying to make life easier for him, she did everything she could to help him, not realizing what she was doing was enabling him.

"You can love your children to death - literally," Kristin Sanders said. 

As parents, there is a lot of guilt associated with a child's addiction. Kristen said she has relived her son's entire life many times over, with numerous scenarios, in her attempt to figure out what she could have done different.

"I have since learned it doesn't matter, you can be the best or the worst parent in the world," Kristin said. "It's not your fault your child is addicted."

Kristin said she has taken a lot of criticism for wanting to tell her story. Using both hands to wipe the tears from her face, Kristin takes a deep breath then exhales. "This feels good," she said with a smile.

"I couldn't save my son, no matter how much I tried I couldn't save him," Kristin said. "But, I have to speak out. I have to tell my story, my son's story on the off chance that it might make a difference in some other family's life. We all have to stick together and know we aren't alone. This evil drug is killing our children and if we don't come together and stop it, it will only get worse."

Knowing the warning signs is essential to preventing the escalation of drug abuse. Kristin said she was very naive to the practices of drug use and traits of addiction.

"If their personality starts changing, if they start hanging out with different people, if things start missing in your house, if they start lying to you, don't let this stuff go,  "Kristin said. "Remember it is your home and you have the right to search anything in your home - do it."

One thing Kristin has learned since her son's addiction is too often parents say it's only alcohol or it's only marijuana, it's not that big of a deal.

"It is a big deal because when kids start using alcohol and marijuana, a lot of times it leads to other drugs just because they are in that environment," Kristin said. "Don't sweep it under the rug or think it's just a phase either, drugs are not just a phase."

There is no possible way to explain the devastation families go through when they are affected by addiction, she said. "They are the person addicted, but the entire family is sick."

Kristin said it is important for family members to seek support and go through their own recovery when they are affected by addiction. Hiding from the addiction will not make it go away, she said.

"I still have days when it's hard to deal with," Kristin said. "Prison is not what I hoped for my son, but I am also thankful because it could be worse. I still get to go visit him, even if it is limited. I would rather visit him behind a glass wall than in a cemetery."

cschultz3@gannett.com

740-450-6758

Twitter: @infoobtainer1

Who to call for help

Muskingum Behavioral Health, 601 Underwood St., Zanesville, 740-454-1266; Perry Behavioral Health Choices, 203 N. Main St., New Lexington, 740-342-1991; Genesis Behavioral Health, 2951 Maple Ave., Zanesville, 740-454-5927.

Inpatient Treatment

Muskingum Behavioral Health, 601 Underwood St., Zanesville, 740-454-1266; Evolution for Men, 106 S. Main St., New Lexington, 740-343-0733; Stanton Villa for Women, 227 N. Main St., New Lexington, 740-342-0616; Genesis Behavioral Health, 2951 Maple Ave., Zanesville, 740-454-4615; The Refuge Ministries, 12 S. Terrace Ave., Columbus, 614-991-0131

Family Support 

East Side Community Ministries, 221 Stillwell St., Zanesville, 740-452-7519

Project Dawn

Project Dawn provides a free Narcan kit and instructions on how to administer the life-saving medication in the event of an overdose. Health care professionals recommend anyone who knows a heroin user have a Narcan kit. The next meeting of Project Dawn will be held at 5:30 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 23, at Zanesville-Muskingum County Health Department. To register, 740-454-9741